I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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