oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize