The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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