Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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