You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
