My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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