i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
