No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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