Tell her she can't have a vagina
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
