so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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