I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
