In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
