Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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