She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
