if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
