Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
