bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
