I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Say something about gay babies.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You don't make any sense
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