I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
