you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
