I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
