yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
