So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
