At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
