Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
