Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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