I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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