I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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