By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
a search helicopter?!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
