im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
