Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
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Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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