Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
