Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
