Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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