This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
