Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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