You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
