life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
