So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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