I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
