Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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