I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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