I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
