he was CRYING into my vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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