there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
