He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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