Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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