There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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