God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
