my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This baby is an asshole
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
