mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
