so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
