I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
