Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
