i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
