we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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