I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
