now i know why i became what i already was.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
