I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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