My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not