walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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