Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
