I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..