Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house