I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT