im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
