DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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