I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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