you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
