WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
