Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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