The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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