I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
soo... how was my night?
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