I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
