it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
