I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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