Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
