There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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