True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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