You smell like a Billy Joel song
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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