Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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