We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
