remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
