So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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