So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This baby is an asshole
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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