I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
