I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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