oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
