I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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