dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
